Pothos and I have decided to share a post on female orgasms for reference - material here has been compiled from internet sources and personal experience. Much has been written on this topic, but many articles tend to focus on specific techniques or body parts rather than the fundamental underlying principles behind the female orgasm.
Thus, in this article, we attempt to take a more holistic approach in identifying some universal principles and guidelines that can help in achieving and enhancing the female orgasm.
What makes this extremely difficult is the amazing diversity in mental and physical makeup of each lady! From experience, however, the points covered below are relevant for the bulk of the female population.
Reference links and materials are listed at the end of the article, and we would like to acknowledge one comprehensive and noteworthy contribution by VoyeurOfBliss on reddit / imgur.
Before beginning, however, we would like to first highlight that orgasms are NOT the holy grail nor end goal of sensual massages, and that many women do NOT view orgasms as essential for a pleasurable and meaningful interaction.
However, at the same time, orgasms provide physical well-being and mental health benefits. Experiencing sensuality alongside orgasms can help a woman to feel sexier, better about herself and put a natural glow on her face! So while not mandatory, why not improve our understanding and mastery in giving it?
Note: This article covers giving a woman orgasm(s) and does not cover scenarios such as masturbation. The assumption in this article is that another party is giving pleasure to the woman.
Note: For women that have never experienced orgasm before, paying attention to all points below will help facilitate experiencing one.
Without further ado, here are some of key points about the female orgasm:
1. Every woman (and man) is different!
This cannot be stressed enough! Although we all share many similarities, humankind is wonderfully varied and no two people are alike in both physical, mental and emotional makeup!
For women, even the same person, a week ago and today, could be vastly different in response and sensitivity due to hormonal cycles, stress factors, mental state, etc.
What this means is that there is NO guaranteed A-B-C process that will ensure an orgasm. Take time to set the tone of interaction, observe and communicate well with the other party to achieve a wholesome orgasm together with the other party. You may still fail, however, but do not be discouraged - continue to be open and try again - you will eventually succeed!
2. Attitude & Communication is the FIRST key!
Because every individual is different, we will not know if what we are doing is effective, unless we get feedback. Feedback can come in many forms, verbal, non-verbal, etc.
Thus, open, non-judgmental communication is the most essential element. If you do not feel that you can talk about the most intimate details (and kinks) with each other - work on this first for the biggest benefits!
We must be able to ask and share how we feel in an open manner before the other principles mentioned later in the article can be effectively applied.
You may need to 'reset' the way you are used to communicating with each other so far - how does one do so? Perhaps by sending this article out and after reading, start by agreeing to take the following approaches:
Adopt a healthy, positive attitude to sex. Sex is a natural part of being human. As such, it shouldn't be regarded as shameful or dirty! Doing so only adds barriers to communicating openly. Take the lead in being open, non-judgmental and set the tone for interaction so that she feels comfortable and secure. There are no taboo topics and take whatever she shares, seriously. Don't kink shame - it is hard enough to open up about one's kinks, be especially supportive of when she shares what mentally turns her on.
Adopt a team attitude of 'us' and having fun together - it isn't your sole responsibility to ensure that she gets an orgasm, neither is it hers (otherwise, she should just masturbate!). Rather, it should be a collaborative approach where both parties are exploring this together - what feels good, what works, what doesn't etc. More importantly, enjoy the time you have together and share in the experience of going through this exploratory process!
There is no place for pride or pretending that we know it all - taking this approach makes the connection antagonistic in nature and does not encourage the other party to share (since you are 'such a good / skilled person' and know it all!).
Be humble and ASK for input - sometimes all it takes is to ask whether something you've done is to her liking. Perhaps this 'trick' you learnt worked for the 99 other women you've tried it on - but so what? It's all about what works for her and if she does contribute some input, be thankful for it!
3. Orgasm is a combination of mental & physical components AS WELL AS a combination of mental & physical interaction between people!
It seems self-evident, but one's mental state does affect the quality of the orgasm as well as whether it is even possible to orgasm. The best / most intense / strongest orgasms usually occur when both the mental and physical elements are fully aligned.
As such - we have to be aware of both the mental components as well as physical components that contribute to great orgasms.
We do advocate meditative sensual massage as one of the ways to help someone get into a relaxed and receptive mental state that is conducive for orgasm(s).
Also, many articles discuss primarily about the woman, but miss out a crucial component of the equation - that there are (at least) two parties involved in this equation!
Who you are and how you interact will directly impact the quality of orgasms she can have!
4. The four fundamental elements affecting her orgasm
The following sections will cover mental and physical components for both yourself and the woman - the better all 4 elements resonate, the better your outcome.
4A. Your mental state
These relate to your mentality, the way you carry yourself, the 'air' about you. As noted in section #2 above - our attitudes and mindsets can influence the other party too, at a sub-conscious level.
Adopt a positive emotional state - take time to center yourself and align yourself with a positive emotional state.
Avoid negative emotions - emotions such as irritation, frustration, anger, impatience should be avoided (note there are women with domination fetishes that may find some negative traits a turn on).
4B. Your physical state
These relate to your physical appearance, grooming, fitness - components that determine your attractiveness and suitability as a mate (in evolutionary sense) that will affect her desire at a sub-conscious level.
We can't change some things that we are born with, however, there are many more aspects of attractiveness we can improve. Many aspects can make a difference and do not take much effort at all. Pay attention to these details:
Cleanliness - in general, being dirty is a turn-off. Although sweatiness can sometimes be a turn-on, sweat itself should not smell too strong or pungent (see point below).
Smell - in general, smelling bad is a turn-off, check that both your breath and body smell good.
Being as healthy as we are able to - good health and is often a desirable trait. Being fit also indirectly indicates other desirable mental qualities such as discipline and determination that can be deemed attractive*.
*We understand that medical and health conditions, as well as disabilities may be present. We recognise that each person has their own health goals and encourage them to progress in their own journeys, on their own terms.
4C. Her mental components
Physical stimulation alone usually does not provide very satisfying or memorable orgasms. You will need mental stimulation to provide the distinctive difference and to enhance the quality of orgasms experienced.
In fact, it is possible in some cases, for women to experience orgasm purely via mental stimulation alone! (Google that!).
From experience, her mental components are the most important factor in determining the quality of her orgasms!
The following mental components listed usually (again, individual effectiveness varies), contribute to orgasm. There may be others, but here are some more important elements to take note of:
Attraction - Mentally, there must be a baseline level of attraction. The stronger this attraction, the move conducive to orgasm she will be. Some aspects of attraction may be hard to change (for example, race or height) but other aspects of attraction can definitely be improved with effort.
Your desire - Many ladies want to be desired and want to know that they incite desire in you. By showing your intention to her, it triggers a cycle of mental stimulation that can feed and grow between both parties. This is important!
Dirty talk - Directly incite her imagination using words as well as action. You can build anticipation by describing what you are going to do, or leave her imagination running wild using suggestive words and double entendre.
Dominance - This could be due to it being a sub-conscious evolutionary throwback, it can be very powerful because this stimulus overrides the thinking part of the brain and triggers a more primal response in the woman.
Doing something forbidden - Being 'naughty' or doing something seen as dirty could be a turn-on depending on the character of the lady in question. Sometimes, there is an inner element of not wanting to conform, that can be highly suppressed in many women. Giving them a safe environment to exhibit that aspect of them can be very refreshing and a huge turn-on.
Meditation / Hypnosis - Meditation and hypnosis are more direct ways to influence the mind and get it to be in the appropriate state for orgasms. It does require active participation. However, the rewards from successfully exploring this can be immense. Worthy of an article on it's own, we'll just leave this here are a point of note.
Other kinks - Individuals vary and there are too many kinks to note - bondage, light SM, exhibitionism are some of the more common kinks you might wish to explore. A safe way to identify shared kinks is to use a site like Mojo Upgrade (this site gives couples a questionnaire about kinks to fill in - the site will share to both parties the matching mutual kinks both are open to exploring. It will not expose any kinks that are not compatible with either partner).
4D. Her physical components
This article will focus on the common primary physical seat of the female orgasm - that is, the clitoris and g/a-spot.
There are many secondary erogenous zones all over the body (ears, neck, breasts, inner thighs etc.) as well as a-spots and p-spots inside the vagina that we won't cover in this article (check out the reference materials!).
Do note, take the time to explore the secondary erogenous zones first, however, before venturing to her primary erogenous zones.
Tip: Be open to using toys, vibrators as well - who cares what is being used as long as both parties are having fun!
Clitoris - Stimulation via Vibration, Pressure, Stretching, Tongue.
There are 4 general types of stimulation that can be provided to the clitoris and individual preferences play a huge part of what works for the lady. Ask!
For example, there are women that cannot orgasm via only clitoral stimulation, or can only do so with vibrators but not with tongue or fingers etc.
There are also women who have undergone FGM (female genital mutilation) and the external clitoris are vulva regions are not physically sensitive.G-Spot and A-Spot - Stimulation via Vibration, Pressure, Stretching
The g-spot is real and definitely exists in a majority of women. It usually results in a different type of orgasm as compared to the clitoral orgasm. As for the a-spot, referring to the diagram above, the a-spot is on the same side of the vaginal wall as the g-spot, but deeper in about 2 inches deeper, slightly below the cervix.
Interestingly, we have found that many people confuse the a-spot for g-spot and it is actually the a-spot that is more intense for most.
Usually for multi-orgasmic women, the g-spot or a-spot is a common seat for experiencing multiple orgasms as it reduces or removes the refractory period of increased or reduced sensitivity after an orgasm.
Some women do not enjoy g-spot or a-spot stimulation or do not enjoy using fingers to stimulate that location (sometimes due to mental inhibitions), or when too strongly stimulated feel the sensation of 'wanting to pee' which they do not like.
Stimulating the g-spot or a-spot intensely will sometimes lead to 'squirting' - have a few towels on hand in case this happens - you may end up with a gigantic wet spot and an unusable bed for the nights ahead if unprepared!Yoni mapping - this is an exercise to allow the woman to get more familiar with the sensations in and around her vagina. It is an exercise that is highly recommended and you can google this for more information (a future article could cover this).
General rule of thumb: Explore the various erogenous zones, experiment with the different types of stimulation and ask for feedback on what works!
5. Squirting & orgasms
Much ado has been made about 'squirting'. Sometimes, very intense orgasms (usually g-spot, because it is nearest to the bladder) may result in a 'loss of control' and female ejaculate (also known as 'squirting') may ensue.
Perhaps as high as 70% to 80% of women are able to experience this, if mental blockages (such as aversion to the 'peeing' sensation) can be removed.
If the lady would like to experience this, a brief suggested approach comprising mental and physical elements is listed below.
Mentally, framing the female ejaculation as a sensation of 'release' and being open to it happening as well as reassuring the lady that you find it a turn on, would definitely help. The 'release' sensation may feel like 'peeing' and she has to be reassured that it is ok to 'let go', and that you find it a turn on.
Also, do liberally use towels on the bed and have some spare on hand to absorb the liquid - this will also help her to relax mentally and not worry about getting the bed / mattress wet.
Physically, familiarize yourself with stimulating her g-spot and practice doing it at prolonged, high intensity levels.
Lastly, for the lady, 'bearing down' on the point of stimulation or using external pressure to press on the front bladder location can also strengthen the sensations felt during g-spot stimulation and trigger squirting.
However, in the end, it is not mandatory to enjoy or experience squirting or even, g-spot orgasms. Ladies who can't or don't enjoy this, can still experience orgasms in different ways.
6. Multiple orgasms
It can actually be quite common for most women in the right circumstances to enjoy multiple orgasms. However, it depends highly on each individual's makeup and it is very possible that some women can or only like to experience one orgasm.
While it may not be required or mandatory to enjoy multiple orgasms, being able to experience it results in a massive release of many beneficial chemicals that help keep the human body healthy and young, and also benefits mental well-being as well!
Thus, if you'd like to experiment further with multiple orgasms, first familiarize yourself with the various ways of bringing her to orgasm.
Usually, different types of orgasms result in different refractory (rest) periods required - with her feedback, try 'chaining' or 'combining' techniques, starting from the ones that have the shortest refractory period (usually g-spot or *blended) and keep on going!
*Blended orgasms - orgasms that result from multiple types / points of stimulation, and usually not the clitoris as the primary trigger.
7. Conclusion
Hopefully this article provides some insight and a fresh take on giving women orgasms with a very, very high success rate.
Yes, there are many things to look into and all these make a difference! Human beings, and in particular, women are wonderfully complex. Unravelling the many aspects that 'float her boat' can be very fulfilling, especially when you get it (mostly) right!
Do always remember that every (man) and woman is unique, and this article can only provide some broad approaches / suggestions for exploration. As you experiment, approach each encounter afresh, continue learning and look to build amazing experiences and memories together!
References:
1. (Highly recommended for additional depth) Female Orgasms Ver 2 by VoyeurOfBliss - https://imgur.com/a/YXpp0
2. Wikipedia article on Orgasm - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orgasm
3. The Female Orgasm: How it Works by Nicole Beland (Women's Health Mag) - https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/a19900276/sex-ed-anatomy-of-an-orgasm/
